In middle school, I gave myself a facial treatment I read about it in a magazine by rubbing a caffeinated bag of tea on my face for 5 minutes. Interestingly (and horrifyingly), my skin turned out to be sensitive to the type of tea I had chosen. Instead of having a cooling and soothing effect, I was left with a red-hot face and extraordinarily puffy eyelids for 24 hours. It was cute.
I bought sunless tanning lotion the day I heard it existed, and promptly turned my legs, abdomen, chest, and arms a nice shade of carrot orange. My knees, elbows, and hands were neon. I’ve heard that self-tanners have since improved, but I’m still scarred from my first experience
I got a perm in 5th grade. It lasted about 1 day. My hair prefers to be stick-straight.
I once drank water with lemon, cayenne pepper, and a splash of honey for a day to ‘cleanse myself of toxins.’ I’m not sure if the toxins ever left me, but I do remember the excessive urination and feelings of extreme hunger.
Most recently, I’ve decided to switch to non-toxic products. So far, I found a mascara made of all-natural ingredients that burns my eyes when I apply it, a sunscreen that doesn’t absorb into the skin, but creates a white coating of what appears to be oily latex paint when applied, and created a streaky mess while trying to clean my bathroom mirror with a windex-alternative. The good news is that my mirror is so cloudy I can’t see to apply that mascara that was really burning my eyes. So far, this toxin-free living is going well.
I could keep going and going, but I think you catch my drift. People do crazy things for beauty.
If you haven’t read “The Sun and Her Flowers,” you should. It’s a collection of poetry by Rami Kaur.
I’d love to tell you that these words resonated so deeply that I immediately vowed to never again be negative about my physique or try a weird DIY in the name of beauty, but I’m human and that’s not realistic. It’d be nice if once a month, we could all just wake up and feel completely content with ourselves.
It seems fitting I’d post something slightly healthy, but mostly delicious after typing about weird water diets and failed facials. I’m not really sure if this smoothie can change your life in any way, but it’s tasty, contains an optional sprinkling of algae (which I assume is good for you in some way), and is a very delightful shade of green … and that all counts for something.
1C dairy free milk (almond, rice, or soy)
1C baby spinach
1 frozen banana
1/2C raw coconut water
1/8C raw walnuts
1 1/2T cacao nibs
1T fresh mint leaves, minced
optional: sweetener to taste, 1/4tsp chlorella powder
Add items into blender.
Blend until smooth.