Whenever I watch another episode of The Bachelor, I can’t believe I’m watching another episode of The Bachelor.
you can spend a few minutes silently judging me here
Based on my rough calculations, I’ve spent hours upon hours wrapped up in a tangled mess of roses, awkward conversations, strange date encounters, unrealistic drama, and inappropriate makeout scenes.
Yessir, I’m guilty of following this show season after season… after season after season. It’s a love-hate relationship in which I can’t stand watching it, but I also can’t stand not watching it.
Life is so hard.
Overall, my interest in The Bachelor has dwindled over the years. There are only so many episodes of the same exact show you can watch before Chris Harrison’s promises of this season being the ‘MOST DRAMATIC SEASON EVER’ seem empty. Chris, not every season can be the MOST DRAMATIC SEASON EVER. It’s just not possible.
Let’s talk about this year’s bachelor Ben Higgins and the gang for a minute (because talking about food on this ‘food’ blog has never been my thing).
Point 1: Unlovable… this is bachelor Ben’s claim. I understand that every contestant on The Bachelor is required to have a sap-story and/or obnoxiously odd hobby of some sort, but the mere idea that this athletic, attractive, tall, and seemingly All-American male is ‘unlovable’ is insane. I can’t roll my eyes far enough backwards into my head at this incredibly unlikely statement to make my point. Have you looked in the mirror, Ben? Who isn’t liking you? Who????? (Truthfully me at this point, but it was only in response to him claiming to be unlovable — I did find him lovable at first glance)
Point 2: Olivia needs to stop with the ‘I’m the evil girl’ act. While I understand that she is most likely on this show for
love publicity and the ability to eventually sell teeth-whitening products and ‘wine, bachelor, and yoga’ tank tops on her instagram feed (#sponsored #ad), the faux-meanness needs to stop.
On second thought, Olivia, don’t stop with the faux-meanness. Perhaps your faux-meanness pairs nicely with Ben’s faux-unlovableness in the same way an episode of the Bachelor pairs nicely with a glass of Pinot Grigio.
Point 3: Never change, Chris Harrison. Never change.
Point 4: I know that the rose is the hallmark of the show, but I think one of these Bachelors should break the mold a bit and opt to hand out a different type of flower. Roses are cliche’ in my opinion. Will you accept this chrysanthemum? Will you accept this dandelion? Will you accept this monkey face orchid?
Spend time researching the monkey face orchid right now. You won’t be disappointed.
Point 5: This is the part of the rant where I segue to the cauliflower pasta I intended to blog about today. If Ben Higgins is unlovable, then this cauliflower dish is disgusting. (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?)
1 head cauliflower, cut into small florets and minced stalks (keep these parts separate)
1/2C olive oil
1/3C large capers, drained
3/4C bread crumbs (I used panko)
1tsp crushed red chile flakes
8T unsalted butter
1/2C whole grain mustard
6 cloves garlic, minced
1lb pappardelle pasta
1/4C chopped parsley
Toss florets with 1T oil, salt, and pepper. Spread onto a baking sheet.
Cook for 8-10 stirring occasionally. Florets are done when they are slightly charred.
Bring a large pot of water to boil for the pasta. Season with salt once boiling.
Heat 1/3C oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat.
Cook capers for 6 minutes until crisp. Remove with slotted spoon and set on a paper towel lined bowl to drain.
Add bread crumbs with chile flakes to the remaining oil. Cook until bread crumbs brown and crisp slightly, about 3 minutes. You will need to stir frequently to avoid burning. Remove from pan and set aside.
Wipe the skillet. Add butter to the warm pan.
Melt the butter and continue to cook until the butter is golden-brown, about 6 minutes.
Add in mustard, a pinch of salt and pepper. Stir to combine. Remove from heat and set aside.
To the pan, add remaining oil. Add in garlic and cauliflower stems. Add a pinch of salt and pepper. Cook until tender, about 6 minutes.
During this last step, cook pasta to al dente according to directions on the package. Drain pasta.
Add pasta to skillet with cauliflower-garlic mixture. Toss with mustard butter, half of the parsley, half of the bread crumbs.
Remove from heat.
Top with cauliflower florets, capers, and additional bread crumbs and parsley.