Milk and Cookies (a recipe by Tom)

Today, I’m going to tell you how to make my favorite desert: milk and cookies.
Now you’re probably thinking: “Milk? Cookies? Together? That sounds completely ridiculous! I’m leaving this blog forthwith!”
Just hold on! Believe it or not, it’s actually pretty delicious, and it’s an original recipe I created when I was like, three or something. I can’t even remember when I created it, that’s how long ago it was. Now, practically everyone I know eats milk and cookies! It’s that good!
1. Milk
2. Cookies
3. Cup (Remember, don’t eat the cup! You’ll need it later.)
Step one: Get some milk. You can get milk from multiple places. Mine comes from my fridge, but if you live near a grocery store, you can get milk there too. Also, if you have a cow, I’ve been told you can get milk from it, though I don’t totally understand how that works. Where does the cow get the milk from? The farmer? But I digress.
Got the milk? Okay, cool, good. Time for step two.
Step two: Get a cup. Typically, you can find these in a cabinet. My cups are found in my cabinet at home. If you don’t have a cabinet, you can buy one at Lowes. Remember to ask if the cups are already in the cabinet though, and if they’re not, tell them the deal is off. Cabinets are useless if cups aren’t inside them. Also, if you have glass cups, you can see the milk inside, which is always cool. If you don’t have glass cups though, don’t worry. Plastic cups work the same, they’re just not as entertaining. Also, check the bottom of your cup. If there’s a hole in the bottom of the cup, the milk is just going to fall out.
Got a cup? No holes in the bottom of the cup? Okay, good. Cool.
Step three: Get some cookies. There are several ways to get cookies:
1. You could make them yourself, though I’m not sure how to do this. This post is not about how to make cookies, it’s about how to make milk AND cookies, so I can’t help you if you plan to make them. However, I can tell you that, even though they look like it, cookies are not made of sand. Unless you’re talking about sand cookies, but I’m pretty sure those are completely different.
2. Check your drawers. I’m not talking about your underwear! I’m talking about drawers! The wooden ones! Mine have cookies in them. It’s never a bad idea to check, unless there’s a gun in your drawer, and you accidentally fire it off in the house. I’m not saying there is a gun, but if there was, and you accidentally fired it off in the house and your neighbors called the police, well, that’s your problem. I’m not sure what to tell you.
3. Cookie jars! The reason this is the number three place you should check and not the number one place is because usually somebody eats all the cookies in the jar before you can get to them. In my case, there’s a mouse that eats all the cookies in my cookie jar once a week. I have yet to see him, but the man that comes to my house once a week to make sure that my TV is still running is insistent. I have to trust him, because for the whole two years I’ve had my TV, it hasn’t broken down once, even when he wasn’t even here.
4. Steal them. Plenty of people have cookie jars, so it’s pretty easy to steal them. Go to a random house and ring the doorbell. When they answer, just tell them you’re a lightbulb repair guy, or something you made up. Locate the jar, take the cookies out of the jar and pocket them when nobody is looking, and get out of there.
Got the stuff? Good, cool. Okay. Now that we got the ingredients, we can put them all together.
Step four: Pour the milk in the cup. While pouring, make sure the milk is going into the cup. If it’s not going into the cup, it could be going anywhere! You’ve gotta make sure it goes in the cup.
Milk in the cup? Okay, cool. That’s good.
Step five: Pick up the cookie.
Got the cookie in your hand? Cool, good, okay.
Step six: Dip the cookie in the milk. Hold the cookie in the milk for a few seconds. Remember not to hold the cookie in the milk for too long! If you get distracted playing solitaire on your laptop while holding the cookie in the milk and keep it in there too long, the part of the cookie will break off, and it’ll be gone! Don’t worry though! The part of the cookie that you lost isn’t gone forever, like I used to think. It’s just sitting there on the bottom of the glass. You’ll find it later. Okay, if you haven’t already, pull the cookie out.
Step seven: Take a bite! This step is crucial, because if you don’t, then you don’t get to taste it.
Took a bite? Okay, good. Cool. Final step.
Step eight: Enjoy it. If you don’t enjoy it, then there was no point in taking the bite in the first place!
Just follow this simple eight step process, and you can have some delicious cookies and milk!
Tip: Cookies and milk are not good for a hostage situation. If you have taken several people hostage and intend to eat cookies and milk while holding them up, several problems may occur. While watching the hostages, you may accidentally miss while trying to pour milk into the cup, or dip the cookie in the milk too long! If you plan to take several people hostage in the near future while eating a delicious, healthy treat, this recipe is not for you!


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